Because I said so!

If you have kids (or if you ever were one 😉) you will remember that age old phrase that comes out of their mouths at frustratingly regular intervals - “Why?”

Everything needs explaining, to be given a reason and to make sense, and given context for us to be able to buy into it, especially when we are kids. 

And parents all over the world are saying “Because I said so!”

But that doesn’t really help, because as kids we are left wondering and questioning the validity, relevance and interest levels of an idea, a project or any other activity. 

And if there is none, we will find it hard to accept, take on board, get behind and act upon. 

Then we get told off ☹.

But the thing is, that is still absolutely applicable as adults. 

And yet, in many organisations, leaders have forgotten this exact thing. And they are wondering why they don’t have their staff, their peers or their investors hanging on their every word or every idea.

So, what happens?

Clever, capable people, who can and want to do a good job, appear uninterested, awkward, lazy even. And they don’t want to be like that. And we don’t want them to be like that. 

But maybe we have put them there…

Maybe you are treating them like they don’t need to know, or you need to keep your cards close to your chest. Maybe you are treating them like mushrooms – kept in the dark and fed on the proverbial “sh*t”.

Think of it like this:

The easy part of being the boss is to tell people what to do. 

The hard part is to get them to actually want to do it and to go ahead and make a good job of it. 

But there is an easy fix if we take it back to our human nature and remind ourselves of those kid moments of “Why”. 

We need to understand the Why, so that we can, in our head, agree, or see sense and move forward. 

So, let’s say that we assess information on the basis of those three factors I mentioned:

• Validity
• Relevance
• Interest

Validity

We all need to know that what we are being told or asked to do is valid in the context of the situation. And if it is not then we're not going to be listening and we're not going to be acting upon it.

In work, if I'm capable and experienced then I'm going to apply my own judgement my own desires, and my own agenda.

And this is where the problem lies. We want people to have their own ideas, of course. But where it's important for them to buy in to our bigger picture, then they must understand the validity of a project. It must make sense to them. 

You may hear this or hear yourself saying this – “but it just doesn’t make sense”. And that stops people in their tracks, and then they will revert to their own agenda.

Once something makes sense to us, then it is easier to follow the process because we can trust that it is going towards something that has a sensible outcome for us. It means something to us. 

Relevance

If we don't feel what you are saying is relevant to us, then as adults we are going to make a choice. We aren't going to follow like children and allow ourselves to be told to “Just do it”. 

Whereas children might have to do what their parents say, as adults we are less likely to agree, and perhaps more likely to circumvent the situation and get our passive aggressive hat on to make the situation awkward and uncomfortable.

We will often do this for all the right reasons, in that we think we have a better way, and maybe we do. So, understanding the relevance of your idea or your way of doing things is super important to people, so that they will want to do it that way and not their own way.

Of course, there are many times when their way will be better than yours! But that's another subject, for another time.

Interest

For something to be interesting there has to be a what's in it for me - what am I going to get out of it or a benefit to me. It might be fun or a challenge, achievement or contribution. Or it could be feeling good about a project well done or working with others.

Whatever it is, we need to find what is of interest to people in what you are saying. It’s not good enough for you to find it interesting, and this is one of the biggest issues I see when I work with CTOs and Tech Execs. 

The fact that a leader is knowledgeable to the nth degree but is not finding a way to make it interesting to others they are trying to influence is a large part of what holds them back from positively influencing others.

If we don’t work on these three areas, we may well get frustrated, and might be tempted to look outwardly and blame the team. Like those kids got told off, we can find fault elsewhere. 

But in reality, it is probably not them. It’s you.  

So, when we want people to buy in, do it a certain way, join our gang or just get on with things the way we need, then we need to make sure we cover the bigger picture for them. 

And help them see why they should be interested, what makes it relevant and valid for them and how they can be part of it. 

Once we do that, then we don’t need to tell people what to do, because they can see the vision and follow the path themselves.

Now that does mean we have to have clarity on our vision, on our why and on the purpose of what we are planning and asking others to do. 

And that is one of the things we work on in our T.R.I.P. Sat Nav™ Process in the 12-week Impact Accelerator™.

We also did a focused 15-minute training on this subject, which you can watch here: https://www.linkedin.com/video/event/urn:li:ugcPost:6944638615343792128/

And if you would like to find out more about how to improve your impact, get more buy-in and create real team performance, then message us to find out how you can join our Impact Accelerator™.

Julie "Chief Impact Engineer" Hutchison

Email: [email protected]

P.S. Whenever you are ready...here are 4 ways I can help you increase your impact as a leader:

1. Join The "Quiet Leaders Lab™ Facebook Group and connect with other leaders who want to grow

It's our Facebook community where those that are The Quiet Leaders can learn and share how to increase their impact, influence and outcomes -- Click here

2. Grab a free copy of my leadership impact report: The Team Performance Engine™

It’s the Road Map to your journey to increasing your impact as a leader -Click here

3. Join our Leaders Launchpad™ Mastermind Group Programme

This Mastermind is a selected group of like-minded leaders, in an online community, focused on growing your results.  

With training, group coaching calls, guest speakers and more, supporting and challenging you to design and implement real team performance in your business.

Send me a message or email [email protected] with "IMPLEMENT" in the subject line and we can discuss how you can join us

4. Work with me and my team privately

If you or your team just need a little more one to one attention to make change happen in your business... just message and put "PRIVATE" in the subject line... tell me a little about your business and what you’d like to work on together, and I’ll get you all the details!