Why Telling People What To Do Doesn’t Work.

If you are a leader and you want your team to be confident, capable in the business and take (calculated) risks, read on!

So, where are you now? 

You might be frustrated with your team, and you just don’t understand why they can’t seem to step up, why they need you to make all the decisions, when you KNOW you have told them what to do!

Just last week, you know you told Bob what to do, and you actually showed him, and it was really clear. And then what Bob returns is NOT what you asked for, or maybe it doesn’t turn up at all. 

And it’s so annoying because you told them and you trusted them to get on with it. You want to be able to believe and trust that people will do it. But time and time again they prove to you, that they can’t be trusted, that you can’t leave them to actually DO the job that you employed them to do! 

Well, it’s probably because you are telling them what to do.

Here at Think Be Do Leadership, we don’t like to tell people what to do. Because what that leads to is PC relationships. No – not politically correct relationships. I am talking about Parent Child. 

And the problem with Parent Child relationships is – the responsibility then lies with YOU - the parent. 

You. 

They feel they aren’t responsible. Because you don’t really give them the room, the autonomy or the confidence to take responsibility. 

But you cant just expect them to magically do it. So what do you do?

Well, we need to make sure we are transferring the responsibility and autonomy to your team. Now this can be a scary thought – because you might be thinking – well I gave them that responsibility before and they didn’t live up to it.

So here’s my question. Is the reason they didn’t get it in on time this time because you didn’t remind them? Because – let’s be honest - normally you DO remind them, you do push them along, and ‘mother’ them.

So, we need to move you away from pushing and telling and checking, and micro-managing. That just means that you don’t let them make mistakes OR succeed. They don’t trust you, and you don’t trust them – so why would they step up? It prevents them even trying.

It All Starts With Your Mindset.

You have to believe they can do it. Often, leaders don’t believe it and feel it’s risky to trust their teams. You also have to WANT to transfer that responsibility. We might be thinking we want that but if you are still checking or poking your nose in, then that does not send the right signals. So first you have to transfer responsibility.

To go from a parent child relationship to an adult to adult this is what you need to do.

Explain and frame why you are doing this.

You have to get it out there. Name the problem and take responsibility for your part in the problem, and then set up what’s going to happen next. For example, you might say something like:-

“I realise Bob, that I am not giving you responsibility and me checking up on you all the time is probably not helping, so I want to do things differently. 

What I am thinking is – for you to grow I need to give you responsibility for this task. I won’t be checking up on you. You can approach this how you like within company values. The deadline is X, so you come back to me when it is done. Of course, if you need any help then let me know”.

And if they do come back to you, your job is to teach your staff how to find out the answers for themselves.

So, we will be reversing the previous situation of them coming to ask you and you providing all the answers, and this time you will be asking the questions and they will be providing the answers. 

And then you have to let them do it. 

Praise them for their progress, their ideas, for getting on with it – all the behaviours you want them to adopt.

If they do come to you with a question, ask a question back – what resources do you need? How could you find the answer? 

We can’t cover the nitty gritty of how to do that in a 12 minute blog. So if you have questions email me at [email protected] and I will be happy to answer them.

Or if you would like to watch me speak live about why telling others what to do doesn’t work, click here to watch a replay of my live stream.